Monday, June 14, 2010

Time's tide will smother you

I'm still at sixes and sevens, which is entirely to be expected. I find associations in the smallest things. Now and then it hits me - both my parents are gone. It's an odd feeling. Some days I'm fine, others start badly and get steadily worse. My sleep is frequently interrupted with vivid dreams of my Mum. I find that the days I dream about her, I'm worse.

On Friday I went up to town for the day and got the 521 through the city to London Bridge. This was harder than I thought it would be, because being in Central London makes me think of both of my parents, as well as the many years I spent living and working there. In fact, as I was travelling along High Holborn, I realised that it was 15 years to the day that I had first moved up to London. This made me feel even sadder.

I'm continuing with my part time working pattern until the end of June. The amount of paperwork relating to a death is staggering, so this is just as well. I'm getting things done, which is a small consolation. We've booked a holiday - I plan to do nothing bar sit about, read and sleep. No sightseeing, no activities, nothing. Relaxation doesn't come easily to me but I am determined to force myself to take things easy.

The Dog, thankfully, remains a source of joy to us all and has settled into her new life and home. She has two cats to love (sadly for her, this isn't reciprocated). She sees the children a lot, and she has adopted two small angora rabbits as her own. My initial thought was - oh god, she wants to snap their necks - but she thinks they are puppies. She's never seen a rabbit before, and she's never had puppies of her own, so she's decided that they are baby dogs. Fair enough. She's also slimmed down: no more Rich Tea biscuits for breakfast. [There's my tip to all you dieters.]

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